Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Purple Nurple, the Dresden Files

Well, a lot has happened since we made it to Dresden. My left titty is very sore. Let's start with our trip to Vienna.

We departed our show in Berlin and stayed in Dresden at our driver Tommy's flat. The next day we had a 5 hour drive to Vienna through the sprawling country side of Czech Republic. Truly beautiful scenery.

We arrived at Arena Wien in Vienna which used to be a slaughterhouse in the 1800s. The venue didn't provide dinner for us but I did manage to find a small can of liver. I now know what eating cat food is like.

Zeke headlined the show. They were definitely one of the fastest, sweatiest bands I've ever seen. We made the most money off of merch at this show thanks to my sexy selling tactics. I hope the band realizes how important I really am. I'm not proud of what I had to do to make those sales but someone has to put food on the table.

Speaking of food I finally had a badass doner kebab:

After the show we drove to an AirBnB in the middle of the Czech country. We arrived in the wee hours of the morning and scared the shit out of the owners who thought we were burglars. Woke up to an incredible view, though.

Tommy took us for some quick site seeing at a church littered with thousands of human skeletal remains arranged into pieces of art and decor. It was the most metal thing I've ever seen. Followed that up with one of the most metal lunches, a fucking pig leg served on a cutting board. 10 stars.

That brings us to our days off in Dresden which we are currently enjoying. We're in a very nice hostel in the hip part of town filled with cool shops and bars. I can now say I stayed up drinking white russians in a Big Lebowski themed bar until 6am.

Dresden is truly a magical city. We randomly ran into a guy named David who has been our guide the past couple days. We just got back from a Frisbee tossin', soccer kickin', burger grillin', beer drinkin', people watchin' BBQ in a massive open park down the street that David organized for us.

Last night David took us to a jazz club where we met Hina. Hina is the reason my left titty is sore today. Imagine if you will a very stocky white German male who can only utter the words "I AM HINA" in a powerful German accent whilst punching you in the arm, grabbing your neck and twisting your nipples. He was a real life Hodor. I tried to bond with him but his physical actions could not be tolerated. I twisted his nipples and got a very powerful wink in return. We promptly left to avoid further nip damage and emotionally scarring memories.

Gonna do some laundry tomorrow and let our livers rest before our trip to Budapest.


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