Monday, June 19, 2017

The White Christs

I'd like to introduce to you the band I will be traveling with. Each member has their own set of stats that may come in handy when you're trading their Rock and Roll Collectible Trading Cards.

Jack Parsons

Raised in the harsh climate of Arizona, Jack found solace in early jazz records he found in the back of an abandoned record store.  He finds peace in spiritual thought and physical menageries around him, albeit whenever he finds time away from writing The Great American Novel of American Fallacies. Jack guides downtown tours in Valley Mills, TX for eager tourists.

Role: Vocals
Height: Been known
Weight: Things can get pretty heavy with this one
Group Affiliations: The Remainders, PJR, Antic Hay, Drought
Energy Projection: 10/10
Mental Powers: 9/10
Strength: 6/10
Fighting Ability: 7/10
Intelligence: 8/10
Agility: 4/10
Stamina: 7/10
Speed: 5/10
FG%: .471
REB: 265
AST: 314
STL: 84
BLK: 25
PTS: 2856
AVG PPG: 37.6
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

Rudy DeNiro

Rudy. You won't see Rudy. You'll feel Rudy's presence as it's ever present in the minds of those he teaches. Rudy is a DWI instructor, registered in the state of Wisconsin. He moved to Texas when his wife of 7 years decided her vodka bottle was more important than the bond she shared with her husband. Rudy's story will march on though, and he will take his experiences and share them with your drunk uncles and nieces.

Role: Guitar
Height: More elevated than most
Weight: Dark matter
Group Affiliations: FEED, PLUG, The Mites, Bitter End, Iron Age, Burn What Binds, Bloom, Drought, Meme Dream Recordings
Energy Projection: 1/10
Mental Powers: 10/10
Strength: 6/10
Fighting Ability: 2/10
Intelligence: 10/10
Agility: 6/10
Stamina: 7/10
Speed: 5/10
FG%: .365
REB: 324
AST: 794
STL: 135
BLK: 11
PTS: 2014
AVG PPG: 15.7
Alignment: Lawful Good

NOTE: Rudy will be MIA for this tour.

Paul Geringer 

Paul Geringer once took a trip to Ulthar and spoke to a cat named De'göv. He stated he was lost and trying to find his way home and De'göv invited Paul to drink from the Fountain of the Unnamed. Paul soon realized the conniving cat had tricked him and Paul ended up in 1,000 years of solitude among the forests of Pluteus Cervinus in the vast astral realm of the Dreamlands. This happened to Paul on a Wednesday morning from 9:12am to 11:34am CST.

Role: Guitar
Height: High as the Heavens
Weight: Floater
Group Affiliations: FEED, Bitter End, Burn What Binds, Bloom, Drought, Candybomb
Energy Projection: 3/10
Mental Powers: 6/10
Strength: 10/10
Fighting Ability: 7/10
Intelligence: 6/10
Agility: 8/10
Stamina: 9/10
Speed: 7/10
FG%: .432
REB: 298
AST: 512
STL: 96
BLK: 28
PTS: 2574
AVG PPG: 28.2
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

Robert Zimmeruski

Robert "Bob" Zimmeruski found his calling in the woodlands of East Texas. While illegally searching for fire wood in the Davey Crockett National Forest, Bob stumbled upon a young calf who was trapped under a fallen tree. He took a sip of his flask and got to chopping the tree to pieces to free the buggered bovid. He carried the calf three miles to his pickup truck through thick bramble and humid air. When he arrived at his domicile he placed the calf in his back pen and got cleaned up. That night, he went out to the pen and whispered something in the floppy ear of the calf. He pulled it up to the grill, slapped that sucker down and had himself the best damn veal steak he coulda ever dreamed. Bob now owns a retirement home for injured calves.

Role: Bass
Height: Weekender
Weight: Slim and sharp
Group Affiliations: Burn What Binds, Bloom, PJR, The Remainders, Antic Hay
Energy Projection: 8/10
Mental Powers: 3/10
Strength: 7/10
Fighting Ability: 9/10
Intelligence: 6/10
Agility: 9/10
Stamina: 9/10
Speed: 8/10
FG%: .445
REB: 312
AST: 459
STL: 167
BLK: 22
PTS: 2804
AVG PPG: 32.9
Alignment: Chaotic Good

Kid Cobra 

Fresh off the 1989 skate circuit of Orange County, California comes Kid Cobra. 4th in line to succeed in the infamous "Heartache Run" down Pebble-Bottom hill, Kid has the clout and the scars to prove it! After an unfortunate blow to his career in the early 2000's involving an ex-girlfriend, a trip to Burning Man and business guru named "Steve", Kid now spends his days making zines and hanging out at local punk shows.

Role: Drums
Height: Low level flyer
Weight: Bean and cheese
Group Affiliations: The Remainders, FEED, PLUG, The Mites,  Bloom, R. Thies & His Awkward Butlers, Gleeson, The Graces, Antic Hay, Candybomb, PJR
Energy Projection: 8/10
Mental Powers: 3/10
Strength: 7/10
Fighting Ability: 5/10
Intelligence: 8/10
Agility: 4/10
Stamina: 6/10
Speed: 6/10
FG%: .469
REB: 489
AST: 432
STL: 83
BLK: 899
PTS: 2718
AVG PPG: 31.6
Alignment: Neutral Good

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